


Akatsuki babysitters

by Betsunichan



Series: Crazy Uchiha adventures [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Akatsuki - Freeform, Crack Relationships, Crack and Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, TobiDei - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-25 04:51:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12523388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Betsunichan/pseuds/Betsunichan
Summary: Sometimes the easier way to gain your crush love is to gain their sons favor.  Or... Deidara become Tobi’s babysitter so he can get to know better his crush.





	Akatsuki babysitters

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetted, if you can help me and correct me I would really appreciate it.

Tobi and Zetsu were talking to each other in the common room of the akatsuki’s principal lair. Most of the members rarely came to this base, except when there was an important meeting, otherwise they rather to wander around the countries raising information or taking quick jobs.

  
  


Since Deidara was paired up with Tobi he was forced to came back to this base frequently, or the blonde was abandoned by his partner after finishing each mission and he reappeared when they were assigned a new one. 

  
  


He liked to wander around because it make him feel free, but a little of comfort ones in awhile and the solite of the base was good for his art so he didn't complain (a lot). Deidara was sculpturing a bird, or at least he was pretending he was, while he watched curiously every move of his silly partner. Tobi was so silly and goofy all the time that was interesting see him to behave as an adult when he was talking with Zetsu. Deidara sighed, if it was possible he would like to have a serious of conversation with him too. 

  
  


He might have never admit it loud but he missed the red-haired puppeteer. Deidara and Sasori weren't friends, but there was respect to each other and their art. They could have an intelligent discussion for hours and they worked efficiently together. But his relationship with Tobi was the contrary. The man was useless, stupid, ignorant of any kind of art, vulgar and cute. Deidara was forced to take the lead, something he liked because Sasori was always bossy him around, because Tobi was too stupid to do something right. Tobi was so useless than Deidara made most of the work himself. Sometimes Deidara asked himself if Tobi proposes as his partner was to make him company, be cute and force him to work harder. People say that one's works better when they want to impress a love interest. 

  
  


Yes, Tobi was his muse. He was cute, funny and an eye candy. The artist concealy fixed his eyes on Tobi’s ass, it was difficult to no eye fucking him when he was without his akatsuki’s rope. The blond didn't know the masked man body. He has never showed his face or any part of his body, he was a master of misery (which made him more appealing). Deidara liked to imagine what was under all that layers of clothes and he was sure, by his silhouette, that it was a nice body. Tobi surely was scared or will have any other kind of peculiaritie that would make him look less human. As Tobi, Sasori entire body used to be covered to hide the fact that he was a living puppet. And by all he knows, thanks to Hidan’s big mouth, Kazuzu wasn't very human either. 

  
  


The artist wished that Tobi was only scared because he was such a scar fetishist. His previous lovers have them, the irregularities on their skin made them interesting and he loved to trace every imperfection on their skin. 

  
  


Deidara was turned back to reality when the masked man caught his sight and waved a hand friendly in his direction while calling him. Deidara snorted, turned back and began to work again in his sculpture.  

 

=====

 

After talk their talk, the plant man sink in the ground and Tobi walked out of the room without greeting him properly. Furious, Deidara snapped out of his chair and walked after Tobi. He will teach him to not ignore him! When he was out in the corridor he didn't see Tobi, so he walked to the orange masked man room. Because the member barely stayed in the quarter they didn't have a room for their self, they always shared it with their companion, but Tobi has his own too. Deidara also have it, but it was because he stayed in the room he used share with Sasori and Tobi was unwilling to move with him. 

  
  


If they lived together, Tobi would have make him lose his patient, but he also would be able to share more time with the annoying man. 

  
  


‘What are you up, Deidara?’ asked a known behind of him. The bomber didn't have to look back to know it was Hidan’s. 

  
  


‘Is not your business’ he huffed glaring daggers at the loud idiot. He wasn't I'm the mood to deal with him. 

  
  


‘Where is that idiot?’ asked Kakuzo. ‘Did you let him die like you last parter?’

  
  


Deidara snarled and turned back to them. ‘I didn't let anyone die! If that idiot of Sasori died if was for his fault, not mine! ‘ he yelled at Kakuzo. The man laughed darkly at him, while Hidan smirked. ‘Anyway… ‘ He huffed, ‘haven't you see Tobi, he was out here some seconds ago’. 

  
  


The zombie look at each other, then Deidara, they looked like they were disappointed of him. 

  
  


‘No we didn't, that's why we ask you if you have already made him be killed’ Hidan teased him, pointing at him with his index. Deidara snarled and punched the idiot in the face. 

  
  


They would have fight in there if it wasn't because the two unknown Chakra signatures they felt at their back. Three pair of eyes caught sight of two kids with cracked ANBU’s mask hiding behind a column.

  
  


‘Fuck!’ Deidara yelled. He couldn't believe that their quarter would be found out by any ANBU, neither one's so young at the two boys. 

  
  


‘They are pretty dumb! ‘ Hidan yelled excited. The little ANBU’s were lucky for fin their quarters but stupid for not conceal their Chakra properly. 

 

Kakuzo watched carefully the intruders, he couldn't believe a mere child would be able to infiltrate in their hideout. So they should be a genjutsu or some kind of trick. Before he could make a plan Hidan and Deidara ran towards them, ready to kill the little bastards. 

  
  


They heard a panicked squeal from the boys, who ran away from them when the column was blown off by the bomber. They were too slow to escape from them, and Hidan was about to cut their heads when a figure repealed he attack with a staff. 

 

‘What the fuck Tobi! ‘ Deidara yelled at the man in the orange mask. The rest of the akatsuki stopped short after him, looking curiously at them. 

  
  


‘Senpai, please stop’ Tobi said with strand of worry in his always cheerfully voice. The children shielded behind him, the white haired boy grabbed Tobi’s garment. Tobi sole eye turned toward the boys, the kid with the dog mask was weeping pathetically while the other was shaking in his combat stand. 

  
  


‘Tobi? ‘ Deidara asked confused, losing his stance and looking curious at the man. He knew that Tobi was childish, kind of useless and cute, but as an Akatsuki member he was expected to kill any intruder. Even if they were kids. ‘Why are you protecting those brats?’

 

‘Gave that kid to us, Jashi will recompense you’ Hidan asked swing his scythe over his head. 

  
  


‘Sorry, Senpai, but I can't. What kind of father I would be if I let you harm them?’ Tobi answered grabbing both kids with his arms. 

  
  


Deidara and Hidan opened their mouth to the ground, speechless, while Kakuzo raised both eyebrows. 

  
  


‘You aren't gay?’ Kakuzo asked seriously. 

  
  


‘I’m bisexual’ Tobi answered tilting his head to the left. “Kazuzu sempai, gay people can also have children, you know”

  
  


‘Tobi, here you are’ Zatsu said getting out of the ground. ‘You was supposed to be in your way to… ‘ the man stopped and glared at the children.

  
  


‘Sorry, Zetsu-San’ Tobi lifted both boys into his arms. The kids didn't protest and grabbed their father robe. ‘I can't go into a mission knowing that they are in danger. You should send Deidara-senpai or Kakuzo-senpai instead of me’. 

  
  


‘No, no, that's impossible! Tobi, you are the only one fitted for the mission’ Zetsu panicked. 

  
  


‘I'm not comfortable leaving my children here’ Tobi said, it was strange to hear him sound so serious. 

  
  


The rest of the akatsuki members were speechless and too confused, in Kakuzo case, he was too curious to interfere with the conversation. 

  
  


‘Why not?’ Zetsu asked with a pleading expression, stepping toward the masked man while lifting a hand. ‘You had left them here since they were babies, and nothing bad happened to them’. 

  
  


The other three akatsuki choked. They didn't know akatsuki had a baby takecare service. 

  
  


‘Yes, is true. But then they were little and you was able to handle them without problems. But know… ’ Tobi head turned to the others akatsuki members. His body language giving away his unwillingness to left the kids. 

  
  


‘They are not going to attack your kid! Not know that they know they are yours!’ Zetsu said. “If they does they will be automatically kicked out of the organization as Orochimaru was when he tried to kill Itachi eyes’. Kazuzu and Hidan tensed, they liked the organization. But Tobi’s body didn't relaxed and Zetsu added: ‘And surely leader will command more the members to help you track them down and slaughter them’. 

  
  


Tobi relaxed while the others three tensed. They didn't know Tobi was so influential in their organization, the leader and him surely have a good relationship. 

  
  


‘Well, if you said do… ‘ Tobi said insecure but thoughtful. If leader was going to help him then he could leave them here and be sure they will be safe. 

  
  


‘Papa, don't leave us here’ The white haired boy choked almost crying. Tobi posture tensed. 

  
  


‘Yeah, you will be a shitty dad if you does’, the dark haired boy yelled. 

  
  


Tobi glanced towards his kids then to zetsu. ‘Sorry, zetsu-san, but I can't do it. Please send someone else… ‘ without giving them the time to answer Tobi disappeared in a whirl of space and time. 

  
  


The rest of the Akatsuki gasped surprised, they didn't know that Tobi can do something like that. Zetsu huffed upset and sink in the ground, leaving out his head. 

  
  


‘Where? Where did he go?’ Hidan asked when he came out of the shock. Kakuzu came to his sense first but didn't ask anything, he was busy comparing Tobi techniques with other teleportation techniques he knew. 

  
  


‘He went back to his village’ Zetsu answered closing his eyes. He wasn't suppose to give such information, but if they knew Tobi has kids then they should know that Tobi was also part of a village. 

  
  


‘What? ‘ asked Deidara surprised. ‘Weren't we supposed to be nukenins?’

  
  


‘No really’ Zetsu answered. ‘You were nukenin before joining. But Tobi, leader and other member live in their respective village when they are not working for akatsuki, so they are careful in conceal their identities’. Without further explanation Zetsu sink further and disappear. 

  
  


The three members left see each other. They don't know what they should think about it, but one thing was sure, Tobi was smarter they they thought if he was able to work for his village and their organization at the same time. And for Deidara, Tobi misery was more appealing that before. 

  
  


\----

  
  


Three days after the incident with the kids, Deidara was alone sculpting when Tobi and Zetsu entered his room. Behind them were the kids wearing tiny versions of Akatsuki’s garment and their ANBUS mask had a little red cloud in their forehead and the words ‘akatsuki under trainee’. 

  
  


Deidara would have laugher of the silliness of their cloths if it wasn't for the seriousness on Tobi and Zetsu. He bite his lower lip while trying to muffler his laugh. ‘What is happening here?’ he asked trying to sound serious. 

  
  
  


‘I have a complete a mission and I Will leave my boys with you, but if anything happen to them I will slaughter you. Do you understand, Senpai?’ Tobi warned him with a serious voice that doesn't sounded like him and he appeared from thin air a staff and pointed it at his face. The blonde snorted and folded his arms offender, as if he could fear someone so useless as Tobi. ‘I trust them to you, senpai’

  
  


‘Don't worry Tobi, they will be ok’. Zetsu came close to Deidara. ‘I will also watch them and as I told you, Akatsuki’s member can't attack to each other, and that include your children, otherwise they are banned and in his case Hunter down. ‘ The plant man lean towards the boys and laid a hand over the boy’s heads. ‘Sakura-Chan and Rinne-Chan known me since they were babies, and a have take care of them properly since then, the only difference is that now they have more babysitters.’

  
  


Tobi and the kids looked more comfortable now. The boys weren't shivering but Deidara could see they were still afraid of him. He looked at Tobi, he was looking at him with the coldest eyes. The artist huffed and rolled his eyes, it looks like if he want to be back at Tobi’s good side he needed to lo of after his brats. What he needed to do for his love interests! 

  
  


‘No worry!, Tobi, I will take care of them’. Deidara stood and took some clay out of a cabinet, then he quickly sculpt a bird. All the eyes on the room were over him. Tobi knew that the clay his sempai stored in that specific gabinete wasn't mixed with any explosive, so it was safe.

  
  


When Deidara finished infused the little sculptures with Chakra and made them fly towards the kids that were fascinated by his technique. Deidara smiled full of himself and glanced at Tobi. ‘I has being taking care of you since we were pair up together. Do you think I will not look after them?’. 

  
  


Tobi tildes his head to the side, and he surely was smiling at him if the softness in his eyes said anything. ‘Thank you, Senpai’ he said with a soft voice that sent a shiver down Deidara back. People use to said that if you want to make a mother loves you, you should made her kiss love you first. Now he understand that the saying was right. 

 

Without further presentation the kids were left with Deidara, Zetsu needed to gave last minute detail to Tobi before he went to his mission. Before going away Tobi hug his kids, he promise them that he would come back as soon as possible and made them promise that they would be good kids. Then he turned at Deidara to thanks him again after a fast reverence. 

  
  


The artist was baffled, he didn't know is the man could be so polite. He liked when Tobi was playful but he was charming when he was courtly. The fact that Tobi has kids should turned him down but… somehow he was more endearing that before. Stupid and sexy tobi! 

 

==+++++++

 

When Deidara was left alone with the kids, he asked them to present themselves. The boy with dark hair like tobi and a cat mask present himself as Ronnie-kun, while the white haired boy shyly presented himself as ‘Sakura-chan’. Deidara raised an eyebrow, it was strange for a boy to accept the use of the suffix ‘Chan’ but if he was OK with it, he would use it. 

  
  


After they played for a while with their clay, they asked him shyly to sculpt different animals. To Deidara surprise they were well manner and didn't annoyed him as much as Tobi did. They were content with watching him work in silence, ones in a while Ronnie-kun would ask something. When he used the tiny mouths in his hands they gasped fascinated, Sakura-chan was curious enough to ask if he could teach them how sculpt with their mouth making Deidara laugh. 

  
  


Now he knew after who the little white haired boy took after. Only Tobi would be dumb enough to ask that. 

  
  


‘so… Sakura-chan, Ronnie-kun’. Both boys snapped their attention to him. ‘How is your papa under his mask?’ he asked biting his lower lip. He should have waited until they were more comfortable around him, but think which of the boys characteristic came from Tobi make him curious of him. 

  
  


‘We can't tell you’ Ronnie answered dead serious glaring at him. 

  
  


‘Yes, I supposed’ Deidara caressed his nape. ‘But… Is he cute?’ he smiled sheeply at them. 

  
  


‘Cute…’ Ronnie tasted the words, caressing his chin. Sakura seemed to do the same. 

  
  


‘Yes, he is’ Sakura answered after a while, sounding so secure and proud of his father. 

  
  


‘No, he is not’ Ronnie answered back. ‘Papa is far away to be beautiful with that big scars over his body and face…’ the boy quickly covered his mouth with both hands. He has messed up, his papa has told them that they were not allowed to said anything about him or them appearance. 

  
  


‘No, papa is cute in his way! And very gentle!’ Sakura defended his father, ignoring the fact that his brother gave away his father's appearance. 

  
  


Deidara smirked, so Tobi was full of scars as he fantasies. He would love to lick them. He watched the kids bickering between them about if their father was good looking or not. Sakura-chan appears to think that one's abilities to cook and gardener has something to do with one's physical appeal. While Ronnie-kun thinks that someone can only considered beautiful if their are clean of any scar. Something almost impossible in the Shinobi world. 

  
  


Deidara smiled to himself, they were too young to have being properly trained as ninjas and they were giving information about their father without notice it. It they keep going like that he soon would find from which village they were from. He didn't dislike anymore the idea of take care of them. 

  
  


‘But Father always said that Papa is the cutest, are you saying that Father is layer?’ Sakura-chan yelled shoving Ronnie-kun. 

  
  


‘Of course not’ Ronnie answered flustered. ‘Father… He will never’ the boy stuttered. 

  
  


‘Wait!’ Deidara shoved them apart and glare at each one. ‘Who is father?’ yelled panicked. They weren't referring anymore as Tobi. 

  
  


‘Father is our father’ both boys answered at the same time, like if it was obvious. 

  
  


‘Are you saying you have another father besides Tobi ? ‘Deidara looked at them confused. Both kids looked at each other before nod. Deidara wasn't a culture expert but a family dynamic in which two males were considered Father was uncommon. If Tobi was bisexual as he said he was, then it would mean that he was raising his children with help of another man. And if this ‘man’ referred to Tobi as beautiful then they should be a couple, or in the best of the case he would be a mere suitor. 

  
  


‘And what is your father relationship with your Papa? ‘ asked Deidara nervous.

  
  


Then again the kids looked at each other and after a moment of hesitation answered at the same time. ‘They are married’ the answered. They have concluded that give away that information wasn't a problem, after all when two adults have kids together if because they are married, isn't? 

  
  


Deidara shot his feet and began to scream furious. 

 

Apparently it wasn't as obvious as the kids thought it was.

**Author's Note:**

> So.. Who you think who is the boys father? Or mother?


End file.
